Beginning your massage
I’m going to assume you’ve gathered all the materials and set the stage for your massage. If you read the previous posts, you’d already have candles burning, music playing in the background, the heated premixed massage oil on the nightstand, the lights off, and the sheets on the bed pulled back. The room should be nice and warm so she’s comfortable being nude.
Take a hand and led him or her into the room. Don’t speak; let your scene speak for itself. If your partner is clothed, then slowly start to undress him or her. Don’t take too much time doing this, because the real fun starts on the bed.
Once your partner is nude, have your them lie face down on the bed. Most people will lie with their arms folded under their heads, but try to discourage this when you start working on the back. With the elbows up by the ears, the shoulders tend to hunch up, causing a focus of tension in the upper back, shoulders, and neck.
Most people instinctively, it seems, want to immediately start their massage on the back. Maybe it’s because the back is such a large canvas as compared to other parts of the body, or maybe because it’s a fairly unthreatening area of the body, yet is still close to the more intimate areas; regardless, my favorite starting point for a sensual massage is the feet. Starting at the feet brings an element of anticipation to the sensual massage, and brings a much deeper level of relaxation.
A good sensual massage, though, will encompass the entire body, so regardless of where you choose to start your massage, keep in mind that moving to all parts of the body is the goal. For the sake of these instructions, however, we’re going to start the massage at the feet, or rather, one foot at a time.
Take some of the heated oil into you hand. (You want to avoid pouring the oil directly on the skin if it’s cold; it can be a shocking feeling that might cause tension instead of relaxation, although ice play can be a lot of fun . . . but that’s for another post). Rub the oil vigorously between your palms and choose a foot.
For foot massages, I like to kneel below my partner’s feet, that way the foot will be on my lap, heel up, and toes pointing towards the bed. This gives you good access to all the “meaty” parts of the foot without turning your partner into a contortionist (that’s for later!).
Hold the foot with both hands, one on either side of the foot, thumbs in the center of the bottom of the foot. Start with small circles working the instep. Since the foot is a narrow area to massage, you might want to make a small circle with one thumb, then as that circle peaks, start the circle with the other thumb, slowly moving towards the toes.
I like to massage each toe in turn, giving a little mini-massage to the head of each toe. Hint: Gently rubbing you finger in between the toes is a very erotic feeling for you partner.
Work back over the ball of the foot, up the instep, and to the heel. I like to pinch the heel between my thumb and base of my first finger, giving a good squeeze. Work your way up the heel and gently massage the Achilles tendon. Be gentle in this area, as it really is a soft spot, and too much pressure could cause cramping in that tendon.
Take your time with the first foot before moving on to the next; you don’t want to rush a sensual massage. The more sexual tension that builds during the massage, the better when you finally get there!
After you finish the first foot, gently set the foot back on the bed and move to the next.
Calves and Thighs
Again, apply oil to your hands and rub them together.
Calves have a nice meaty muscle to massage, so it’s pretty straightforward. Gently squeeze, rub, and caress the calves on your way to the thighs. I won’t invest too much time describing how to massage the calves; there’s nothing complicated there, but I will recommend not just deep tissue massage. As you work up the leg, raking your fingers upwards will drive your partner wild.
The thighs, though, are where the sexually tension really starts to build. If your partner became so relaxed during the foot massage that he or she is starting to doze, the thigh massage will definitely be a wake-up call.
You don’t want to be doing calisthenics back and forth across the bed, going from one thigh to another, so now’s the perfect time to gently separate your partner’s legs, just enough for you to kneel in between the knees. From this position, it’s easy to straddle one leg, without actually sitting on the leg, and grab the thigh with both hands just above the knee.
Again, I use my fingers to massage the sides and a little bit of the front of the thighs, while my thumbs work in circles on the back of the thigh as I move up.
As you move further and further up, your fingers will be coming closer and closer to the Promised Land, so to speak. Wait! Don’t touch; not yet, anyway. Get as close as you can, then start moving back down. I do this by taking the hand that is on the outside of the thigh and bringing it over to join the hand on the inside of the thigh. Gently rake your fingers down and towards the center of the thigh with one hand, while almost immediately starting the same movement, on the same side, with the other hand, only starting a little closer to the knee. As soon as your first hand has completed the stroke, immediately start another a little closer to the knee than the last. Continue raking with your fingertips towards the midline of the thigh until you get to the knee, then do the same thing on the outside of the thigh, raking in towards the midline.
Repeat the first part of the thigh massage, working your way up. This time, though, continue up a little higher with your thumbs (while your fingers stay enticingly close to the Promised Land), and use your thumbs to apply some pressure to the base of the buttocks. Move to the other leg and do the same thing.
You can “accidentally” brushed up against the goodies with a finger or to, ever so lightly, but then move away. The art is in the tease.
At this point, your partner is probably squirming around quite a bit. He or she is just going to have to wait, though. You still have quite a ways to go.
Remember: You set the pace, always. You tease unmercifully, then bring your partner back down by moving to a less erogenous area. You have to know how to read your partner, though, because it would be easy to tease until it’s too late, and your partner may orgasm before you want them to.
After torturing your partner with promises of moe intense touch in between the legs, it’s time to move to the arms. One of the main reasons I recommend this is because at this point your partner may want to touch you in return. Remember the rules; you do all the touching, and your partner does all the feeling. No touching back!
When transition from one body part to another, or even when reaching for more oil, try to keep one hand in contact with your partner’s body at all time. Glide over to the new location if you can. It’s less shocking to have that contact always there. If you all of the sudden remove both hands, your partner may see it as a cue that the massage is over, or may just wonder what you’re doing, so maintain contact at all times.
Transitioning to the arms can be a bit tricky, but I like to go from the thighs to the arms, and save the back for later. When you finish with your partner’s thighs, shift over to one side of your partner’s body.
You can start briefly at the shoulders, but move down each arm, squeezing and massaging as you go, one arm at a time.
Work down to the hands. Use your thumbs to work the palms, making sure to give some attention to each finger. No matter what your partner does for a living, chances are that he or she will be using one or both hands quite a bit at work, and a good hand massage is heaven. After you are finished with the hands, move back up the arm, across the shoulders, and work on the other arm.
After you finish the second arm, work back up the arm to the neck. Now is the time to straddle your partner’s back. You can finish off the arm massage by running your hands all the way to the palms, your right hand on their right arm, at the same time as left on left. This will make you have to lean over and press your chest on your partner’s back. Your partner will be able to feel your excitement, and it will drive him or her even crazier. Plant a gentle kiss on the back of the neck, then sit back up. We’re still teasing . . .
Neck and Head
Some people save the neck for last. I like to do it before the back in a sensual massage, because there is so much eroticism with the back massage that I hate to disrupt all the fun to massage the neck.
Start at the base of the neck and move up towards the base of the skull. Use your thumbs for the midline of the neck, but take advantage of your fingers being off to either side of the neck to massage behind the ears and along the jaw line. Continue your massage up the neck and up to the skull, gently massaging in circular motions over the scalp. If you’re not hearing moans of pleasure by this time, you might want to check your partner’s pulse.
Fingers splayed over the skull, gently massaging, is a very erotic feeling. If you can manage to reach up all the way to the forehead, that’s even better. Gently make small circles around the temple and across the brow line, then slowly work you fingers back down the skull to the neck.
Again, take this opportunity to plant a few kisses on the back of the neck, the ears, and between the shoulders.
Now for the good stuff!
I usually go from the neck and work my way down to the lower back, then back up again, repeating this several times over. Since you have a much larger area to work with, you can change your stroke with each cycle up and down.
There are multitudes of different massage strokes you can use, but since this is about sensual massage, I’ll just briefly mention the techniques so that we can move on to the more sensual part of the massage. There are circular movements with the entire hand or palm, pressure with the fingertips, raking with the fingertips, squeezing, thumb pressure, and even gentle scratches and tickles up and down the spine. Use your imagination; better yet, imagine it’s you lying on the bed, and imagine what you would like to feel at any given moment. If you can tune into what your partner is feeling, every move you make will be perfect for that moment.
Try to avoid predictability in your hand movements. Most people massage symmetrically, so when working on the shoulders, one had per shoulder, each side is doing the exact same thing. Try breaking the symmetry. Massage one shoulder with one hand, and the base of the spine with the other. Or start in the middle of the back and work one hand up towards the neck, the other hand down.
Regardless of how you approach the back massage, your main goal is to move closer and closer to the buttocks as you go along. Remember to tease, so after each movement closer, move away again. The very base of the thumb is a mass of nerve endings and one of the most pleasurable areas to massage. Make sure to give it plenty of attention. Incorporate the buttocks in the massage, squeezing the cheeks together, then spreading them slightly apart. Squeeze the cheeks in your hand, moving in a circular motion.
As I said, the tailbone is an especially sensitive spot. The flanks, the sides of the back, are also good areas to concentrate on, as are the shoulder blades, especially under them.
The whole time you’re doing this, if your partner is receptive, you can place kisses along the spine, the neck, the butt cheeks. A gentle bite on the back, a lick here and there, or simply running your lips very softly along the skin will be irresistible. Be careful with biting, though, as sometimes it’s easy to get carried away. Some people don’t like love bites, while other people love balancing along that line between pain and pleasure. So, unless your partner is into it, leaving marks is probably not a good idea.
Of course, you should be pretty excited by this time, too. Take advantage of every time you lean over to move up the back, and rub yourself on your partner’s buttocks as you go. Let your partner know that touching their body is as exciting to you as it is being touched.
Now that the back is heated up, as is every other part of the body, take the heated massage oil and dribble some on the back, making sure that some of it drips down the buttocks, in between the cheeks, and rolls lightly down to the crotch. Believe me, your partner will have a hard time lying still! Very lightly reach down with your fingers and swipe the dribbled massage oil back up the crack, enticing your partner and making him or her want even more. If your partner is female, your fingers might even “accidentally” slip inside her briefly.
At this point, your massage can segue into a more intimate sexual encounter, or you can really whip your partner into a frenzy.
From your straddle position, rise up and gently urge your partner to turn over. Once he or she is turned onto their back, lower your stance so you’re straddling the groin.
Gently start at the top of the chest, by the shoulders, and massage towards the chest itself. Again, a well-placed kiss on the lips as you start will not only be erotic, but it will encourage your partner to lie still and enjoy the rest of the massage. As you start the massage of the front part of the body, your partner may be so excited that he or she will try to reach up and touch you. Gently push his or her arms back down and continue massaging.
As you massage around the breasts, whether a woman’s or a man’s, take advantage of your position and kiss/lick the nipples, gently catching them between your tongue and upper lip. Don’t stop massaging, though.
Work down towards the stomach, interposing massage with mouth action. As you get to the crotch, use your mouth more and more. Very soon making love will override the massage itself.
By this time, you should be as oiled up as your partner, and if you took my advised with mixing your own massage oil, the cinnamon and clove oils might be causing a bit of heat to build up for both of you, and your partner will forever associate the aroma of the massage oil with you, and the best massage he or she has ever gotten in life.
I want to stress that taking your time with the massage is the real key to building up the sexual tension. Never rush or stop short to jump into the sex itself. Segue from the massage to the sex, almost as if they are one and the same. In certain respects, they are.
It may sound trivial as you sit and read this, but some people really do have a problem accepting pleasure and allow themselves to be pleasured in such a selfless way. Sometimes it’s hard for a person to be on the receiving end without feeling like they have to reciprocate. It’s hard to let go and allow someone to make you feel incredibly good; it feels selfish.
It’s even harder to vocalize that pleasure. By being the recipient of a sensual massage, by giving yourself completely to the sensations you are experiencing, you will find that vocalizing comes easier and easier.
It’s okay to be selfish every now and then. The idea is to trade off. One time it’s your turn to get the massage, another time it’s your turn to give the massage. By totally devoting yourself to the massage you are receiving, you’ll be teaching your partner to accept completely when it’s his or her turn. Also, by not feeling you have to trade off with the massage, things won’t be so rushed, and no one will feel neglected or as if they did not get as long a turn.
Remember that erotic massage is not a means to get in someone’s pants, nor is it a way to “fake” sincerity and love; it’s a means of bringing pleasure to someone you care about, a way of expanding your sexual experience, and a new way to enjoy the person you are with. The way you feel about a person will come across in your touch, so you couldn’t fake it even if you tried.
In the end, the purpose of a sensual massage is not only to relax and give pleasure, but also to let your partner know that you find all of him or her desirable, and that sex for you is not just the pounding together of sexual organs.
Massage is a form of spiritual communication with you and your partner. It is not only a form of connection, but also a very healing instrument; healing for the spirit, the body, the mind, and the relationship.