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I’m in the Mood

September 29, 2011

Location, Location, Location!


One of the most important aspects of a phenomenal erotic massage is setting the stage, creating the mood.  There’s nothing worse than being interrupted in the middle of a sensual body rub by the phone ringing, crying children, or the neighbors stopping by.  Whether you want to surprise your partner, or if it has already been agreed upon, the first thing you should do is find the best place for your massage.


It should go without saying that you should pick a quiet, relaxing location.  Obviously, you’re not going to set up a massage table in the middle of your college dorm common room . . . or maybe you are.  That’s your choice, but where ever you decide, the important thing to consider is your partner’s comfort.  Ideally, your partner, and possibly you, too, will be completely nude during the massage.  Skin-on-skin feels so much better than denim cutting into thighs.  Some people aren’t at all shy about taking off their clothes, and don’t care who sees them in the buff.  Other people are a little more selective, a little shier, and if you and your partner are in a new relationship, full-on nudity may still be a little uncomfortable for the massagee.  You want your partner to feel completely safe, completely comfortable, so again:  Quiet, relaxed, and private are the key words on your quest for the perfect massage location. 


Keep in mind that you don’t have to relegate the massage to your bedroom, or even tp a bed.  You can spread a blanket on a carpeted floor and do the massage there.  If you’re lucky enough to have a massage table, you can use that, but I would imagine if you had a massage table, you wouldn’t be reading this blog!  A couch could work, too, but it’s not recommended, as they are generally not wide enough to accommodate two people, and comfort is everything in an erotic massage.  The surface you use should be firm and solid.  Waterbeds are fun, but probably not ideal for a sensual massage.  The same holds true for hammocks, giant bean bag chairs, and pool floats, at least while they’re in the swimming pool.


Once you’ve picked your location, it is imperative that the room is warm.  While contrast play can be a great deal of fun, for an erotic massage your want the room close to body temperature.  You want your partner shivering in ecstasy, not from the cold.



Think of your partner’s body as a canvas; now choose your medium!


I strongly recommend the use of massage oils when giving a sensual massage.  Not only does the oil feel good on the skin, but it also brings in the element of scent.  I make my own massage oils using a base of sweet almond oil, with the addition of different combinations of essential oils, depending on what affect I desire at the time.  Some oils will cool and refresh, while others heat the skin lightly, invigorating it in other, very erotic ways.  Some oils are even chosen for their healing attributes.


Until the time you decide to experiment with making your own massage oils, if that’s what you want to do, you can go to any health food store and buy a massage oil that will suit your purpose.  Of course, you can order something on-line, but then you’d have to wait until delivery, and some things simply can’t wait!


If you don’t happen to have the oils at the time you find yourself with an expanse of skin willing to be massaged, baby oil will do in a pinch.  In a really tight spot, even vegetable oil can be used, although many of them are heavy in character, and the massagee may want to shower at some point after the massage.  Which can be fun, too, but that’s for a different blog.  Regardless of what you decide to use, I strongly suggest you use something.  A “dry” massage, one without any sort of lubricant, doesn’t convey the same sensuality as a “wet” massage, and can be a little uncomfortable at times.  Okay, it can be very uncomfortable and not at all sensual.


Some people are going to wonder why I don’t recommend lotion for a massage.  It’s simple.  Lotion is designed to be absorbed by the skin.  You want your hands to glide freely over your partner’s body.  An oil will give you this freedom.  


Making your own massage oil is, in my opinion, your best option.  You can have a collection of different oils for different puposes.  Using an edible base and choosing essential oils that stimulate the senses brings your massage to a whole new level.   This is an erotic massage, after all, so taste is just as important as how easily your hands can glide.  And let’s not forget the power of aroma.


People are much like Pavlov’s dog.  In case you don’t remember, Pavlov was a scientist who conditioned a dog to salivate when it heard a bell ring.  Humans also respond to sound and smell.  In fact, they’re our strongest trigger senses.  A whiff of an apple pie might take you back to being 3 years old, sitting in your grandmother’s kitchen, watching while she bakes holiday pies.  


The same is true with your massage oil.  Give the perfect massage, using the perfect massage oil scented with essential oils, and pretty soon the merest whiff of that oil will have your partner on the edge of ecstasy without you having done a thing.  


There’s nothing better than a sexual secret.  Imagine dabbing just a drop of your massage oil behind your ear before you meet your lover in a public place.  One whiff and he’ll be drooling until he can finally get you home alone.   It’s more than a perfume; it’s a reminder of one of the most erotic nights you two have shared together.  Even years later, if you happen to catch a similar scent, you’ll instantly be taken back to that place and time.  Such is the power of aroma.


(A quick note:  Massage oil and lube are not the same thing at all.  Don’t try to massage your partner with a giant tube of KY Jelly.  It’s pretty much a deal breaker right there.  Instant fail!)   





The room you ultimately choose should be darkened.  Shade the windows, dim the lights, or better yet, turn off the lights.   Soft candlelight, a fire burning in the fireplace, kerosene lanterns, or even indirect lighting are much better than direct overhead lighting.  Not only will this help set a seductive mood, but it will help with the whole “naked comfort level” thing, and as a bonus, an oiled body looks great by candlelight!  


If you want a light on, pick a lamp across the room and cover it with a cloth of some sort, something sexy, so it’s dimmed and casts a pleasant glow.  Be careful not to burn the place down, though.  We want it hot, just not in that way.


When you pick candles, I highly recommend that you pick unscented ones.  You don’t want to overwhelm your partner.  He or she is, hopefully, going to get into a very relaxed state, but also a state of heightened sensitivities.  You’ll presumably have several candles burning, and if they’re scented, the smell may be overbearing, even nauseating, especially when combined with the scent of the massage oil.


As I mentioned above, scent can be a very strong trigger, so save the olfactory sensationalism for the massage oil, and leave the candles unscented.





Music is vital to setting the stage for a great erotic massage.  In fact, as i sit here typing this, I’m listening to a classic; Kashmir by Led Zeppelin.  Love that song!  For me there’s something very sensual, mysterious, and exotic about that music.  You’d think, “Aha!  Perfect for mood music during my massage!” . . . and you’d be wrong.  ”Okay”, you might think, “then I’ll play a selection of ‘our’ songs.  That’ll turn her on!”  Wrong again.  And no, while Luther Vandross was the master of seduction with his silky smooth voice, you probably want to set him aside for the massage, too.  


The key for finding mood music for an erotic massage is to find music that will stay in the background.  You don’t want anything that will have your partner tapping his foot or bopping along with the bassline.  You don’t want your partner caught up in the lyrics.  You don’t ever want your partner to say in the middle of your massage, “Oh!  I love this song!”  


I recommend picking something instrumental, something exotic.  Consider downloading some Indian, Afghani, or Tibetan singing bowl music from the Internet, or even a CD with sounds from nature.  African or Caribbean drumming is also a perfect choice; very primal.  Play your selection softly in the background.  The purpose of the music, besides setting the mood, is to stave off empty silences during the massage.  People tend to get uncomfortable with silence, and want to fill it with talkng.  The goal is for your partner to end up in a different plane, someplace filled with nothing but pleasure, not carrying on a conversation.


There should be no talking during the massage!  Did I stress that enough?  No talking . . . none.  Don’t ask your partner if he or she likes what you’re doing.  Don’t ask if you should press harder or if the pressure is too intense.  Don’t even compliment on how soft your partner’s skin is or how great it feels to run your hands over his skin.  Even a simple compliment can leave your partner feeling obligated to provide an answer.  Just the normal action of processing a simple statement can break the mood for your partner.  The ONLY talking should be from your partner, and then only if something is to their disliking. 



But He’s Naked!


Clothing is a little more up in the air when it comes to massage.  Personally, no clothing at all is the best way to go, especially with a sensual massage, but some people may choose to start off clothed.  


It kind of defeats the purpose to invest so much time in touch, only to have to stop and remove layers of clothes when things heat up; however, if you’re with a person for the first time, he or she may not be so willing to just strip down to the buff right off the bat.  Allow you partner to decide how much or how little clothing to have on at the start of the massage.  If you’re creative, you can make the shedding of clothes as erotic as the massage itself, as you gently coax each layer of clothing off for the sake of reaching the skin.



Needful Things


Other accessories that might be fun would be items such as feathers (peacock feathers feel awesome), hand-held roller massagers, silk handkerchiefs, ice cubes, and candle wax (bee’s wax only, as paraffin can get really hot), to name just a few.  Keep in mind that dripping candle wax or dribbling ice water might come as a shock and cause muscles to tense up.  I would consider these techniques a little more advanced, and for the beginner masseuse, it might be a good idea to wait a bit before playing with something that could cause discomfort, or even pain, to your partner.  Having said that, If you do decide to try dripping candle wax or rubbing an ice cube over your partner, it would be a good idea to let him or her know ahead of time what you’re planning.  


Caution with extremes of sensation is advised until you know your partner well.  Some people might find the wax too hot, while other people really enjoy sensations that border on pain.  This doesn’t make that person a freak:  People perceive sensations differently, and what is pain to one person is pleasure to another.  Some people are just more sensitive than others, and what I find incredibly erotic might be a nightmare waiting to happen for someone else.  Even a feather could be “too ticklish”.  The last thing you want is your partner breaking out in hysterical giggles just when you were hoping things were starting to heat up.  For the sake of this blog, though, I’ll leave the use of other toys up to you, your partner, and your combined imaginations.


As a side note, since we’re talking accessories and variations from the routine, why not give washable body paint a try?  The setup is the same as for an erotic massage, but instead of kneading tissues, you paint designs on your partner’s body.  The size and makeup of your paint brushes give differing sensations and can be extremely erotic.  You want to make sure the paint is nontoxic and washable, though!



Your Partner


It can be difficult for people to express satisfaction.  When we were children, we had no problem whatsoever expressing pleasure, happiness, contentment.  Pretty quickly, though, we somehow picked up that it’s not okay to moan in ecstasy while eating a delicious meal or having our backs tickled.  The ideal goal in an erotic massage is to reach a level of unabashed sensualism.  The “job” of your partner is to accept and express euphoria.  He or she needs a safe environment in which to be able to moan with pleasure, without fear of sounding silly or theatrical.  (And by expressing how good the massage feels, I don’t mean that fake porn film moaning that some people have adopted as their “pleasure voices”, simply because they fear being themselves.  I mean pure, real, unadulterated passion; not the phone sex “oooh baby” one hears all too often.)  


Your partner’s second job is to take pleasure without having to reciprocate.  That’s right.  This is not easy to do, but it’s vital for the perfect massage.  Your partner is not allowed to touch you at all.  His whole focus should be on what he is experiencing, not what you’re feeling.  


At no time will your massage be timed or otherwise regulated.  You’re not giving this massage so that you can have your turn next.  You’re giving this massage to bring a whole-body sensation of orgasmic pleasure to your partner.  Don’t rush it, and don’t do it with the thought that in a few minutes it will be your turn.  Your turn can come tomorrow, or later in the night.  There’s nothing worse than being deep in a sacred place of bliss, feeling waves of sensation wash over your body, only to have the masseuse slap you on the ass, plop down on the bed, and announce, “My turn!”  This is your chance to be completely unselfish.


Your pleasure, as the masseuse, comes from pleasing your partner.  My best lover was a man who could get off simply on giving me pleasure, if he chose to, that is.  He realized, though, that by allowing himself to have an orgasm simply by pleasuring me, he was depriving me of the satisfaction of bringing him there myself.  Hopefully, your massage will continue on to love-making as the natural course of events, but it may not.  You need to be okay with that.  You partner may just need to feel that deep state of relaxation at that moment.  If this is the case, let it go.  Let him or her not have to feel obligated to make love, if relaxation is all that’s needed right then.  Take pleasure in helping him or her reach whatever pinnacle is needed at that precise moment.


Of course, with the instructions and tips you’ll find in this blog, as well as the instructional DVDs, I’m hoping that you will be able to have your partner deeply relaxed and on fire at the same time.


Shall we begin?




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